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Archive for May, 2008

Feeling good.

So I was down a whopping 4 ounces yesterday at my weigh in! It’s not exactly ground breaking but I’m quite happy all in all. I had good and bad days during the week but stuck with my exercise and most importantly – I feel good. I’m happy with myself this week which is always, always a bonus, not to mention a nice change from how I was feeling last week! Mental note: must try harder to remember that the bad feelings/days do pass.

I had some days these week with obstacles that I succumbed to but didn’t get hung up on which is a major advance for me. I don’t want to tempt fate but I really feel like I’ve turned a corner mentally. I know I will always have tough days and weeks but I seem to be approaching things differently these days. I’m working on being happy and healthy and not getting lost in the numbers. I don’t want to get lazy either though which is always a danger so I will stick with my weigh-in as it does help to focus my attention.

I also must make time to write some more for here. It really does help.

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Tough times.

I’ve been going off the rails more and more over the last week and even a new entry here seemed some how beyond me. I’m not sure why. I was the same at my weigh in this week which is good really considering what I have been eating. I’m not sure next weeks weigh in will be so kind however but I know I shouldn’t think like that. Mantra ~ Next weeks result is not yet decided and I can do a lot of good work in 4 days ~.

I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me lately and I think mainly I have been tired and have had a lot of things on so it’s hard to keep to a routine. When I’m out of my routine it’s like my brain goes to sleep and I eat anything that comes into range whether I’m hungry or not.

I also read PastaQueens book last week and really enjoyed it. I do think though that instead of inspiring me it actually had the opposite effect. It’s not that her story isn’t inspiring or motivational or great because it is but it was her honesty, her sraight up way of dealing with the fact that that there wasn’t a breakthrough moment that got her started and it was hard work and will always be hard work at times. I knew all that of course myself but I suppose deep down inside of us there is still a small part that wishes, hopes and believes we will wake up one morning and just start eating properly and exercising lots and never have a craving again. Jennette’s book killed that small part of me I think. I’m probably dramatising it a bit more than I should but I actually think that is what happened a bit. However the key point is that it’s a good thing. I just have to accept that I cannot eat what I want all the time and lose/not gain weight. Final destruction of internal cloud cuckoo land.

God I’m not even sure this entry is making sense. For anyone that may have wandered across it unwittingly I’m not saying that PastaQueens book isn’t good. Far from it, it’s great but it’s not going to be the magical solution to your problems. Because as she says there just isn’t a quick fix or a secret to it. It’s bloody hard work, it’s persevering at finding what works for you and it’s about learning about yourself. Trying to figure out bit by bit why you do what you do. It’s not easy but then if it were I wouldn’t be writing this blog and no one would be reading weight-loss blogs because none of us would have a problem!

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The mind boggles.

I weighed in yesterday and was deemed to be down a pound by the class leader. On closer inspection it was more like half a pound but it got me back into the 13s so I’m happy enough. Then what did I do? I ate like a numskull since….

It’s not that I was particularly longing for the food I ate or craving it. I just ate it for no apparent reason. I thinks it’s a bit like when you ask a kid why they’re doing something stupid and they say just coz…. that’s seems to be why I ate really stupidly since my weigh in – just coz. Except I’m not a kid.

I’m sure it’s more complicated than that but I just don’t have the energy to figure out why. So I’m just going to go with it for the time being and hopefully I will snap out of it. My exercise levels have been great this week so at least that’s something!

Some really great news is that my signed copy of PastaQueen’s book arrived the other day and I’m enjoying every bit of it.

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Never assume.

After a pretty crappy weigh-in result last week and not so great eating since, I faced the music yesterday and went to my weigh-in. I wasn’t going to go. I had no idea what to expect. For all the eating I did this week I didn’t actually feel too bad though and had walked a lot but who knows when the nasty fluid monster is about to rear it’s ugly head! Turns out I was down 3 lbs… which makes me feel a lot better about last week as I knew I couldn’t have done that much damage.

It does make me think though how insane our bodies are. It’s hard work losing weight without suddenly being hit by a 3/4/5 pound weight gain in a week that is mainly down to fluid retention. Even when you know that’s what it is you still suffer a major loss in motivation and confidence. Which leads me to think that weighing ourselves weekly is just asking for trouble but then if we don’t we have no feedback on how we are doing.

It’s a dilemma. I guess just being more emotionally stable and dealing with that gain whatever the cause is the real answer but then if I were more emotionally stable I probably wouldn’t be dealing with these problems at all because I wouldn’t be an overeater!!! Deep breath…..

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So I’m having a bit of a shit week to be honest. I’ve lots of stuff on that is stressing me out so that means I want to eat and eat and eat. Which is what I’ve been doing. I have been walking every day though so far. Hopefully that will help but I’m already somewhat resigned to skipping my weigh in and just writing this week off. I might change my mind on that, we’ll see.

I’m having some relationship issues too. I feel so down about things lately and I know being positive is one of the things that will help but I just can’t seem to summon it up! I’m full of ideals when on my own during the day and then come the evening and my partner gets home its like I just shut myself off. I’m hoping once this damn week is over some of the pressure will be off and that will help but I’m afraid that’s just putting off till tomorrow what I can do today.

I’m also a bit sad that nobody reads my blog but that wasn’t my main aim starting out so I need to get over that. I just want to have a honest account of my feelings out in space that I can’t run away from… if that makes any sense.

I’m not sure anything makes sense any more.

On a happier note I just remembered that I ordered PastaQueen’s book today. I can’t wait till it arrives! I’m hoping it will help on the motivation and inspiration front – how could it not!?

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So it happened. I jinxed myself by talking about it and it happened. I was up 4 pounds today! 4 !!! Now I know I haven’t been an angel the last week or so but still there’s no way I did 4 pounds worth of damage. Or am I kidding myself? No I don’t think so. I weighed myself this morning which I do on weigh in day just to prepare myself for what may come later and I was 5 pounds lighter than what I weighed in at this evening! So it has to be fluid retention or else a large rock jumped in my pocket or something similarly random. I could accept maybe 1 or 2 but 4… I think not.

Anyway the really funny thing is that as outraged as I sound, I’m actually pretty ok about it. I mean I’d prefer it didn’t happen but I know it’s just one week and a little blip on my journey and if I’m really positive it can be a big hard kick up the backside to get re-motivated! Which is what I’m going do to. At minimum I want those 4 lbs gone next week… and I can do it. I can, I can, I can. Am I convinced yet? 🙂

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