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Archive for January, 2009

Weekly weigh-in

I’m down 1.4 lbs this week…. not quite reaching my target of 2 lbs for the week but I’ll take it with open arms. Now I have to really start to work hard towards losing my 2 lbs next week. I so badly want to record a loss 2 weeks in a row as I’ve realised that hasn’t happened since I started this blog! It’s just been up and down all the time and while I haven’t gone back to or over my starting weight and that it’s a great sign that I can maintain, right now I want to get on with the losing.

Here’s to a good, healthy, happy weekend!

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Perception versus reality!

Yesterday was a great day for me…. but then around 9.30pm the damn cravings started. It’s weird. I think maybe it was because of tiredness? All I know is I wanted sugar! So I had some goats cheese with wheaten crackers instead. (I’m Crazylady for a reason you know!) I had quite a bit of cheese I have to admit but I figure cheese has to be better for me than chocolate!!? It’s done now anyway so moving on.

Habit pushes me to say today was a disaster but it wasn’t. Lunch was a disaster. A fast-food, nutritionally devoid disaster but I have to remember that’s just one meal. It threatened to be an even bigger disaster as the last morsel descended into my tummy and (as I always do after fast-food) I instantly started to crave sugar. Thankfully the busyness of my day mixed in with a little will power helped me to avoid a chocolate binge and I hope to kick-box as much lunch off my ass as I can later tonight!!! I may also be going to bed at 9.30pm and hiding under the covers from any more unwanted sugar cravings.

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I’m super focused and motivated today. I’m fighting with every inch of my being to keep it that way too. Fighting in a good way I mean, not fighting myself. I had porridge for breakfast, I avoided the break-time temptations by only having enough money on me for a cup of tea, I spent some time cooking at the weekend so that I have healthy, tasty lunchtime options. I exercised, I drank my water. I cheered myself on through the day with positive, affirming statements.

I powerfully intend to lose 2lbs this week. Today it feels like I can take on the world. Sometimes this can be bad because I get a little too positive and a little bit unrealistic and the fall back down can be dizzying. Today I don’t care. I’ll cross that bridge when and if I come to it!

I also came across this quote today and it struck a chord with me…..

Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not. ~ Thomas Huxley (1825-1895, British Biologist, Educator)

I think weight loss is hugely about making yourself do what you have to do, whether you like it or not. Maybe this is a negative way to see it but I don’t think so. Really, truly accepting that we can’t just lose weight by wishing it away or magically increasing our metabolism, that we have to work at it and make sacrifices is a huge step in moving forward and getting closer to our goals.

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To date I’ve had lots of vague goals but today while out for my walk I decided that I needed to get more precise. I need to put a bit more pressure on myself and knuckle down. It must have been the fresh air or something that got me going ! So goal number 1: to lose 10lbs by March 1st. That’s exactly 5 weeks from now. I know it’s a lot but I think it is achievable if I put the work in. That’s the only goal I’m going to concentrate on for now. I’m going to forget about what comes after March, for now it’s not important. I want to be fully focussed on shifting those 10 lbs.

To do this I am going to eat healthily and exercise lots… easy peasy…. I wish!!!!
Seriously though I’m going to cut out the crap as much as possible. I’ve given in to myself way to much this week past. I need to have a little stern chat with myself which goes something like this:

Look at me, look me in the eyes…. you need to get real now. You need to accept that you can say no, it is in your ability but many, many times you choose not to. You can’t eat whatever you want, not if you want to lose those extra pounds, not if you want to feel happier and healthier. It’s not that you can’t have chocolate or biscuits or bread etc ever again but for now to reach your goal you have to make some sacrifices! You just cannot have it all. You cannot eat crap all week and lose weight – no matter how much you exercise!!! You are making a fool out of yourself. The only person you are hurting is yourself. So get your act together and get tough with yourself. You are the only one standing in your way. So move the hell over and get on with your life!!!

Ok, so that’s that. 10lbs in 5 weeks. I need to do this.

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Weekly weigh-in

I have GAINED 2.8lbs this week…. yes I have gained what I lost last week and a little bit more. I am so frustrated though I’m pretty sure I deserve this gain. My eating did go slightly wonky this week plus I was very surprised at my loss last week so maybe it was just an anomaly. Who bloody knows. Whatever the reason I’m very, very, very frustrated but trying hard to get past it and remember that it’s just a number. It’s not the end of the world. I can do this. I am doing this. I might be doing it n quick sand but I’m still doing it.

I just feel if I could gather a little momentum it would help so much instead of this backwards, forwards, nausea invoking to-ing and fro-ing. I don’t even know what else to write about it. I feel flat. Defeated. Exhausted. I know I’ll be fine and get over it. I guess I just have to work through the feelings and come out the other side hopefully stronger even though not necessarily thinner.

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Or should I leave well enough alone !!!

Emotional eating is my problem. I have mentioned it here before and will no doubt mention it again. I know how to eat healthily. I think I eat healthily at least 80% of the time ? Here’s a general sample.

Breakfast: Microwave porridge made with soya milk plus water, mixed frozen berries and flaxseed.
Mid Morning: Maybe a handful of unsalted mixed nuts or a low fat natural yoghurt.
Lunch: At the weekend I try to make a big pot of soup or else a dish with lots of veg plus turkey to which I add some wholegrain pasta (not too much). I then freeze some and bring a portion each day for my lunch.
Mid-afternoon snack: When I remember it’s usually a yoghurt
Dinner: Usually steamed veg with some form of protein – chicken, turkey, beef. I try to make sauces etc myself but if I do buy I get ones that are as healthy as possible. I may add in some wholegrain pasta or brown rice but many times I won’t. Some evenings I will have an omelette instead. (I know I should eat fish but I just can’t stand it).

Night-time snack: Some evenings I won’t have anything.. other evenings I do 😐 It all depends what’s in the house really, whether I’m busy or my mood. I try to have hummus on hand which I have with water crackers or raw carrot and celery. I find it very satisfying and tasty plus it has no additives etc so I figure while it may be a bit high in fat, it’s good fat and there is lots of other good stuff in it too. Lately there have been stray chocolates left over from Christmas but they will be gone soon !! (One way or another).

I also know that exercise is important. Unless I’m sick, the weather is really awful or life events get in the way I generally exercise 4/5 times a week. 1 weights class, 1 kick-boxing class, 1 cardio class plus two or maybe three decent (hilly) walks.

Now the “menu” above usually only applies Monday – Friday. The weekends can go anyway but I do try to be as sensible as possible. I just don’t plan as rigorously as during the week. I stay away from bread as much as possible. I may have it at the weekend when I’m out but I generally don’t have it at home as I can’t control it. One slice is never, ever enough. I rarely have potatoes during the week but may have them in one form or another at the weekend – yes fries being one form !!

My main danger times during the week are my mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks. These are spent with colleagues in the work cafe where scones, fried breakfasts, chips and chocolate etc are all on offer and can be very, very tempting. This is generally also where the emotional eating comes in. I usually succumb to some of these “items” when I am craving, tired or feeling down, frustrated or any number of emotions. Some days I can have complete control, I just have a cup of tea and nothing else. After dinner is another danger time but the hummus does help with that. Plus not having other temptations in the house helps a lot too.

Now I’m under no illusions… I know I have days, weekends and sometimes even weeks where I eat like a mad woman and all my good intentions go out the window. That thankfully is happening less and less. I know when I gain I generally deserve it and when I lose it’s because I’ve put effort in that week.

I still wonder if I could be doing some things better ? If I could be eating a different way to help me build more muscle ? I wonder how I can deal with the emotional eating better ? I know a huge part of my problem is needing to feel in control/organised. When I don’t feel in control many times I end up eating but it’s simply impossible to be in control all the time, even most of the time if I’m honest. How do I let go more?

Thoughts, opinions? How do you do it ?

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Weekly weigh-in

This is going to be quick as I’m just in from my exercise class and after this I’m taking the night off to veg in front of the tv. It has to be done once in a while. 🙂
I stepped on the scales this evening with a little trepidation. On my way home in the car from class I pondered if I should wait until tomorrow evening because I drink lots of water when exercising and surely that will affect things. I remember the sugary products I ate during the week and the drinks I had at the weekend. I then calmly reasoned with myself that no matter what number showed up this evening I was making progress. I remembered the home-made soup and lunches I made and the exercise I’d done. I quite often need to talk sense into myself!

Luckily I did because I’m down 2.6lbs this week. I guess I didn’t give in to my cravings quite as much as I thought plus the exercise will have helped too. So I’m happy but I’m even happier that I didn’t allow myself to avoid the scales for fear of the number. I know I’m getting places no matter what the number.

TV and couch here I come !

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Comfort Eating

Ah… I had such good intentions on Monday but as it turns out I’m just ALL about the comfort eating this week. I don’t even know why. The weather is cold, wet and miserable and I just can’t seem to warm up the last few days so maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself. Whatever the reason this week my body and brain are just sugar obsessed! Of course I’ve been giving in to it too so I don’t see a loss being likely this week. I might just be lucky not to gain but who knows what will happen as one thing I have learnt so far is that our bodies work in mysterious ways !

On the plus side my exercise has been good so far which will help.
Short post this time… lots to do !

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It’s Monday and I have every intention of making this week a great one. Of course I have that intention every Monday !! 🙂
I would be happy with any teeny, tiny weight loss this week. So that’s what I’m aiming for. My weekend eating wasn’t great with some biscuit raids that were entirely unnecessary but hey biscuits happen right!? Oh and cake happens too 😐
Aside from weight loss I need to get my butt in gear this week in relation to a big research project that I have looming on the horizon. I don’t want to get into the details here but suffice to say it needs regular effort and concentration to accomplish and has been getting pretty much none of either. That changes this week though and that is that!

On a completely different tangent I’ve been thinking a lot lately about babies. Now there’s a frightening sentence – to me anyway. I have never wanted kids and neither has my husband. We just don’t get it. We know why we’re supposed to want them but we just don’t. The responsibility, time, cost and stress involved strangely enough doesn’t appeal to us. The pregnancy and child-birth part in particular doesn’t appeal to me! We’re pretty happy just being two, well three if you count the mutt! We can travel, go out and sleep much, much more now than if we had kids. I have heard all the “oh it’s different when they are your own” and “it’s so wonderful you don’t know what you’re missing” etc, etc, etc. I sometimes think people with kids just want those without to suffer like they do! Oh I know kids aren’t all bad and they can melt your heart with a smile, yada, yada, yada but when they are screaming the house down or writing on the walls or doing many of the other delightful things they get up to I find it’s great to be able to hand them back to their parents while making a quick exit to the blissful peace and quiet of our own home.

For a while now however I feel like I’m being left behind. More and more people I know around my age (and younger) are having babies. I feel like the odd one out because I’m supposed to want them too. I don’t want to have a baby just because I feel I’m supposed to! I also feel guilty because there are many people who do want children but can’t have them. For all I know maybe we can’t have kids either and that would be that. Then there are the people who have the attitude that once you get married the next step is to have kids and can’t understand why we aren’t obeying these unwritten rules. My in-laws and various relations fall into this category so family gatherings are a joy!!

I’m also a little scared that I’ve talked so much about not wanting kids that I feel like I’m not entitled to change my mind even if I wanted to which I don’t really know that I do. Holy crap, I just think way too bloody much sometimes! Of course none of this has much to do with weight loss either except for another concern I would have is in relation to weight gain during pregnancy.

I’d also like to state that my intention here is not to upset anyone that has children, I’m just trying to explain how I feel about the whole thing. Do the handful of you that read my little blog have an opinion on this? Do you have kids? Did you always want kids? Do you ever want to give them back or am I a complete nutter for thinking the way I do?

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The last few days have been a mixed bag. Some good choices, some bad choices and some truly awful choices! That’s just life I guess and every day/hour/minute gives me the opportunity for a new start. I think that’s my mantra these days !! Exercise was good early in the week, a 3 mile walk, a weights class and a kick-boxing class but after that there was no exercise! I did get a 3 mile walk in this evening though and I’m determined to get in another one tomorrow so that’s something.

I think I’d find my emotional struggles with all of this really intriguing if I just didn’t have to live through them!!

Today is my official weigh-in. It’s been exactly 5 weeks since I last recorded my weight. I have been on and off the scales in that time but only to give myself a rough idea how things were going. The way my brain works though if I don’t physically write the number down somewhere then I don’t really have to deal with it. The official result – I’m up 2.8lbs. Considering that’s over 5 weeks and for two weeks of that I had little or no exercise I’m stunned and delighted of course! I was expecting about a 4lb gain and I would still have been pretty happy with that!

That said today is still a day for me to face facts and start dealing with things. To some degree I have had a “head in the sand” mentality this week but I know the only way to deal with a problem is firstly to accept it exists. My main problem is that I’ve been letting the “feeling sorry for myself” side of me creep in more and more as this week has gone on and that almost always leads me to over-eating and junk food. I don’t like that side of myself. It pulls me down and wears me out. It doesn’t give me credit for my achievements or encourage me to do better. That side of me doesn’t believe in change, it’s negative, unhappy and sceptical. It tells me “so you think you’ve changed!, that you’re a different person now! but look at you, you’re as heavy as ever, who are you kidding!”.

The other side of me though, that’s growing stronger all the time knows I have changed. It knows that Christmas is one of the most difficult times of the year when it comes to food. It knows I’m different. It knows I’ve come to love exercise and how it makes me feel. It knows that I still weigh less than when I started this blog 9 months ago, maybe not much less but still less and that is an achievement in itself. It knows that only gaining 2.8 lbs over Christmas is something I haven’t even come close to in YEARS!

So that’s how I’m really doing. Still working on it but definitely getting there…. slowly.

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