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Archive for February, 2010

Another week on

Well things are going good… I think. Even though I swear I can see my ass getting bigger in front of my eyes I know (hope!) it’s not really true. 🙂

I’m chocolate, cookies and diet coke free as of last Wednesday and it’s not bothering me too much. My goal to increase my water intake has being going well too but there is room for improvement. My new goal for this week is to try to concentrate on planning my meals and keeping a “sort-of food journal”. I’ve found that I can go a little OTT with the food journalling so the idea is to write in what I’m eating the next day but not to freak out if it doesn’t happen exactly as planned. More than anything this helps me to have healthy breakfasts, snacks, lunches and dinners thought out and prepared instead of standing in my kitchen or the canteen at work ravenous and eating the first thing I lay my hands on!

Exercise is one thing that has being going well. Last week I managed 3 gym sessions (treadmill and weights), 1 swim and 2 5km walks. This week I’m aiming for the same again this week. I’m up to running 7 minutes all in one go now and I’m doing that twice with a few minutes of walking in between. My shins are doing pretty well and I’m feeling quite positive that I can complete the 10k. Slow and steady though… that’s the plan.

So I feel like I’m gaining back a little control. If I could just silence the “I want to lose all the weight now!!!” inner tantrum it would be great. One step at a time I guess.

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The time for action is here.

Right. That’s it. There has been a lot of planning talk around here lately but that’s all it’s been. Talk.
It’s time to start doing so as the good unpractising and unbelieving catholic that I am, lent is about to be hijacked for my own selfish purposes. If I’m wrong about the non-existence of God then I’m probably going to burn in hell except that he (or she!) is supposed to be a forgiving individual and surely there are worse sins one can commit than using lent to get one’s expanding arse in gear!! (if you don’t know what lent is just go here to find out)

So as of Wednesday I’m giving up chocolate, cookies and diet coke. I think this is quite doable. I gave up chocolate and diet coke for almost 2 months before Christmas so I KNOW I can do that (plus I’ve kept the diet coke intake sensible enough since). I was tempted to give up everything apart from meat, eggs, fruit and veg but even I know that would be pushing it!! 🙂

My hubby is also giving up something as do many people in this part of the world which makes it much easier to say no to whatever you are giving up when it is offered. You see once you say “no, thanks. I’m off it for lent” people are very accommodating. No “ah go on, have one” or “just have a little piece”. Plus you’re not saying “I’m on a diet” which seems to make people determined to get whatever it is you are avoiding into your mouth at all costs!!!

So lent starts this Wednesday and until then my only goals are to increase my water intake and to not worry about anything else.

We fail to see that we can control our own destiny; make ourselves do whatever is possible; make ourselves become whatever we long to be. – Orison Swett Marden (1850-1924)

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Sugar, sugar, sugar….

So the last week has officially been treat week and it ain’t over yet. Chocolately, sugary treat week to be precise. I’m blaming PMS but I’m a little worried that’s just an excuse. We’ll see I guess. Apart from the treats I’ve actually been eating quite healthily and cleanly. I’ve also been exercising – 3 days out of 4 so far! I think I mentioned that I’ve joined a local gym and I’ve started my training for that 10k run in May. I’m at a very basic stage so far just doing the walking 5 mins, running 5 mins thing for 20 mins. I need to build up slowly so that my shins don’t kick my ass! I’m also doing some weights and some other cardio too. My aim is to do this 3 times a week with a swim thrown in too if I have the time. I might try to just swim one morning a week before work too but I’ll need to figure out my schedule and work-up to it I think. I know too well that if I try to do it all in the first few weeks I’ll get exercise overload!!!

Now if I could just stop eating the damn sugar!

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Is it this simple?

I want/need to eat more than I want to lose weight/be healthier.

Right now I just can’t see any other explanation.

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How to really live ?

I sometimes feel like I’m not really living. Like I’m waiting for my real life to start or something. I’m pretty sure there is some small part of my brain which “knows” that my life will be so much better when I lose that extra weight. Before anyone starts shouting at me let me state that there is also a very large part of my brain that knows this is not true and is indeed a steaming pile of crap. That doesn’t stop me subconsciously living like that sometimes though. Ah isn’t it ironic that the very amazing complexity of our bodies and brains is the very thing that can make life so hard for us at times?!

If we ever have a baby (and it is something that’s we’ve shockingly come around to the idea of!) it petrifies me that I might pass on my crap to an unsuspecting, innocent little child that looks to me for knowledge, advice and example. Logically I know that I shouldn’t worry. I know I won’t be a perfect parent because it’s an unattainable goal and as a child who wants a perfect parent to live up to anyway! I know too that lots of things outside of my control will have an impact too. All that being said I would still HATE to pass on my food/body image/confidence issues to our currently non-existent child. I don’t half like putting pressure on myself eh !?!?

Anyway back to the “feeling like I’m not really living” thing. I think it’s because I feel so tired these days and so stuck. I don’t feel like I’m growing I guess. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I suppose I’m looking for a solution but I don’t really know what the problem is. Focusing on just the food and energy side of things my hubby heard an interview with the author of this book on the radio a few weeks back and felt that it sounded like something that could apply to me. He doesn’t usually go in for that kind of stuff so it surprised me that he even suggested it. I’ve looked at the site but restrained myself from buying the book so far as I have countless self-help and dieting books at home that were all going to “fix” me but of course didn’t. Some I haven’t even read fully let alone do what they said. It’s as if I think just buying the book is enough!!! On the face of it this last one makes some sense and I do certainly identify with some of the symptoms but then I think sometimes we can all identify with symptoms if we want to badly enough. It’s also seems to be a diet book and I know dieting is not a solution. Of course changing how I eat long term is what I want so maybe it could fit this bill? On the surface it also seems like another low carb approach and the one thing I can say for definite is that too much carbs and me don’t get along! But then restricting any one food group is not a great plan either.

So I guess I’m asking the few of you out there that read my ickle blog what you think? Does the book/theory look like a pile of crap? Am I just looking for the quick fix or does any of what this women is saying make sense? Be gentle with me though !!!

Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you’re going to do about it. ~ Kathleen Casey Theisen

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I apologise in advance if I’m beginning to sound like a broken record.

I’ve been a bit absent lately and I wish I had a good excuse but really I don’t. I’ve felt myself slipping back to old habits a lot this past week and I’m feeling sluggish, bloated and downright flabby as a result. I badly need to reassess what I’m doing, what I want to achieve and how I’m going to achieve it. To that end I have some news. I’ve broken up with my personal trainer…. well he thinks we’re just on a break but I’m pretty sure it’s over for good. It sounds a bit dramatic but that’s really how it feels. I just couldn’t justify the cost any more. I really liked it and I got a lot from it. I’m definitely stronger, fitter and more toned. I think it even improved my confidence. In the beginning I lost some weight and and I haven’t put that back on. For months now though I’ve been on that frustrating 1lb down, 1 lb up rollercoaster that just goes nowhere.

I exercise plenty so I know that food is the problem but I battle so much with the “I want to lose weight but I also want some treats now and then” thoughts. I know it’s possible to do both theoretically but in reality I can’t seem to just have treats now and then. It starts out ok and then slowly becomes daily treats which progresses to me eating crap 90% of the time! It’s head-wrecking. I’m starting to really believe that too much information is absolutely a bad thing! My head swirls with different concepts, suggestions and advice. On the one hand I know that restricting any food groups isn’t a good idea because it’s unrealistic and generally makes you long for that restricted item all the more. On the other hand refined carbs make me feel bloated and crappy and makes me just want to eat and eat and eat. In another corner of my brain I hear “just work on the emotional side of things and don’t worry about the food, it will work itself out in the end” but I don’t want to gain 10/20/30 lbs while I try to solve my emotional issues. I know too that I need to “love” and “accept” myself the way I am but again that is so much easier said than done. It’s not like I hate myself or my body! Do I think I have faults? Of course. Do I have faults? Absolutely. Do I probably see them as worse than they are? Definitely. Surely all that is just part of being human? Why do I need to fight it so much?

That’s only a small percentage of the information and probably mis-information that is sloshing around in my head and you know what? All it’s doing is giving me a thundering headache! Somehow I need to work out a plan or system or simply a way of living that works for me. I need to work on being happy AND healthy. I need to go way back to basics. I probably even need to work out what those basics are.

To start with I’m setting myself some general goals. Firstly in relation to exercise. Now that the personal training has ended I need to make sure I don’t lose that fitness I’ve gained over the last year. I’ve joined a local gym for a very good price so I have to make good use of it. To keep me to focused I need an exercise goal which is going to be a 10km run in May! The one potential obstacle to this may be my shins but I’ll hobble across that bridge if/when I come to it. I intend to start training for this 3 times weekly, starting properly next week but getting warmed up into it this week. I will do weight training on those days too. Any exercise outside of that will be considered as a bonus and will be for pure and simple enjoyment – not that I won’t enjoy my 3 days at the gym. 🙂

So that’s exercise, now on to food. This of course is the tricky bit. I know “dieting” doesn’t work and I certainly want to develop healthy eating habits that last a lifetime. For all my frustrations and whinging many of my eating habits are quite good. I make a large percentage of my meals from scratch and I eat plenty of veg and some fruit most days. So my problem areas are carbs and rubbish – chocolate etc. I don’t think cutting out carbs completely is a good plan even though I know it works. So I’m thinking moderate portions of wholegrain carbs with breakfast and lunch should be ok. From lunch on though I’m thinking carbs like bread, potato, rice and pasta should be avoided as much as possible.

I’m also pondering limiting things like chocolate, cake, biscuits, diet coke, chips etc to special occasions which I define as eating out for dinner or lunch, not going to the canteen at work of course but you know when you meet a friend for dinner or lunch now and then or go to dinner with the hubby or attend a special event like a birthday party. I don’t do this too much so I think it’s way for me to have a little of what I like at times but not too regularly because generally I just can’t handle having that stuff too often. Now the whole food plans are still in development. I’m probably already complicating things too much but I need to put ideas out there to keep me thinking and keep me honest I guess.

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