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Archive for April, 2010

So I really didn’t want this to become a pregnancy blog but I guess it’s going to be large part of my life for the next while so it will be impossible to avoid it completely! Plus some of you seem interested to know how things are going so it would only be fair of me to oblige. 🙂 Also as you’ll read shortly (and may just have guessed from the title!) the experience is most definitely having an effect on my eating, fitness and weight and all that stuff is fair game for this blog!

So where shall I start ?!? Well I had my first scan last week. I had it earlier than normal (for here anyway) as I was supposed to be away next week for a short trip that involved flying and wanted to be sure that everything was progressing normally before I went off to another country. Of course the damn Icelandic volcano has put an end to my travels but hey it could be worse, at least I’m stuck at home and not in another country! My heart goes out to all those stranded in airports all around the world.

So back to the scan. Everything looks good. I’m about 9 weeks so there isn’t a lot they can tell at this stage apart from confirming that there is a baby in there (check), that it has a heart beat (check), that it has a normal heart rate for this stage (check) and that it’s the right size for this stage too (check). So it appears all is well so far. I know of course anything can still happen.

Even though I saw the “pictures” and saw the heart beating I find it very difficult to relate those things to me personally. That it’s happening/existing inside of me is very surreal. The fact that it’s about the size of a peanut but has a heartbeat doesn’t make it any more real let me tell you!!!!

I’m also ultra conscious of how I think people are expecting me to react. I’m not terribly excited about the whole thing yet because it just doesn’t seem real yet. Plus I guess I’m protecting myself a little in case things go wrong. I’m also not a terribly maternal type of person if you know what I mean. I don’t ooh and aah over babies and kids. That’s not to say I can’t appreciate them but I guess I’m just not the stereotypical woman/expecting mother. I know I shouldn’t worry about this. I am how I am and that’s ok. Everyone’s different and everyone deals with things in their own way. I need to relax about it all I guess.

So how do I feel otherwise? Well physically I’m doing ok. I’m feeling queasy on and off most of the day but no vomiting – thankfully!!! Some days are more queasy than others but eating something and keeping busy generally helps. Yes you heard right. Eating something makes the person who struggles with her weight feel better when suffering from nausea! Typical.
Seemingly though this isn’t that uncommon however I’m pretty sure comfort eating is also playing a part. I haven’t retrieved the scales from the attic YET but I’ve definitely gained weight. Most of my clothes are still fitting but are not very comfortable and no way is it just bloating. I’ve been carb crazy the last few weeks and it’s pissing me off big time. I’ve had no specific cravings but in earlier weeks I had a major aversion to chocolate and sugary stuff though that has reduced a lot now – unfortunately!

Other than the nausea (and some digestion issues that no-one needs the details of !) I’ve been feeling really tired at times. Most nights by about 10pm I’m practically sleep walking especially if I’ve done a lot that day but which isn’t really a lot compared to what used to be normal. So as a result my exercise is suffering too. As running is out I’m making a big effort to try to swim 3 mornings a week before work which is hard but is definitely worth it. I’m walking 2 or 3 times a week too if I can but I really feel my fitness is suffering.

I guess all in all I’m having major control issues. I want to be doing all this stuff and eating right etc but I just can’t seem to manage it. I know this is normal and is ok but it’s really, really frustrating too. I’m terrified that I’m going to gain 30 or 40 lbs through this pregnancy and become a big unfit blob. I then feel guilty because I should just be happy about being pregnant and all the exciting times to come (if you can call stretch marks, varicose veins, childbirth, nappy changing, and practically no proper sleep for god knows how long exciting!) Hmmmm maybe I’m focusing on the negative a tad too much?!?

Any advice/opinions for me? Should I just stop whining and get on with it?
Should I create a fitness and/or food plan for myself? Should I start counting calories and/or get the scales out of retirement?

Or should I just bite the bullet and buy bigger pants? 😦

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Still here!

I’m still here and yes I’m still pregnant. Well as far as I know anyway! I’ve been having some technical issues with my pc but that’s just about sorted now so I will start posting again with a little more regularity I hope!

I quickly just wanted to say that my last post was most definitely NOT an April fools joke even though I stupidly posted it on April 1st. Duh me!

Well I’ll be back on soon and hopefully with some good news as I have a scan coming up this week. So fingers crossed all is going ok!

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Ok so my last post alluded to a change in my life. A big change! This change for now is a big secret. Apart from me, only 2 other people in the world know. Yet here I am about to reveal it to the entire internet! I’m fairly anonymous here though and it’s not like I have bazillions of people reading the blog so I think I’m safe enough divulging my secret. You won’t tell anyone will you?! Anyway if I don’t talk about it just a little I might go even more insane than I already seem to have gone! I’d say you’ve guessed anyway but here it is in bold letters (so it must be true!).

I’m pregnant.

Now it’s very early days and of course anything can happen which is why we are trying to keep it to ourselves for now. Though it’s not like I wouldn’t tell my family and close friends if I had a miscarriage. Mainly I think we are keeping quiet because we are a bit in shock and overwhelmed. We’re not ready for the fussing, interrogation and general insanity that is going to surround this event.
I have a mother-in-law who’s biggest dream is for me give her son a child even though she has plenty of other grandchildren already. So she’s likely to be unbearable but in the nicest way possible. I just don’t deal well with fussing and worrying people you know. They get on my nerves no matter how well-intentioned they are.

While this was planned (to some extent) I think we didn’t actually expect it to happen. We had no reason to think this of course but deep down I think we did – a little anyway.

We have been together many, many years and neither of us ever wanted kids but in the last year or so I had been thinking about it more. Not so much in a “I’m going to steal a baby soon if I don’t get my own” way but more in a “maybe I would be a good at this, maybe I’m missing out on something and maybe our lives need to grow and change” kind of way. I’m not for a second saying people need children so that their lives can grow and change! It was just how my brain approached it. It was kind of “what’s the point in life” thinking. Obviously there are lots of answers to that question.

Anyway more recently my hubby (to my amazement) also decided it would be a good idea. I didn’t pressure him as that is most certainly not how I wanted this to happen.

So here we are.

It was confirmed officially by my doctor last week. It’s all quite scary and daunting but that’s natural. I’m feeling good so far. I’m a bit tired and a bit queasy but so far it’s very manageable.
My very short running career is on hold due to my doctors advice so my 10k run won’t be happening this year anyway. I might walk the 10k instead though. I intend to keep exercising as much as I can and substitute swimming for running. I also hope to be sensible with my food. Obviously losing weight cannot be a goal now but neither will I be adopting the “I’m eating for two” approach.

So there it is. All going well, life is certainly going to change for us in a big way. I really don’t intend for this to become an I’m having a baby blog but I also can’t promise it won’t be mentioned every now and then. So apologies in advance if I bore you!

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