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Archive for May, 2010

Oh my God how crap have I been lately for blogging! It’s not like my life is super hectic these days but I still just can’t seem to get things done. I know I am tired in the evenings but sitting in front of a computer and writing a little isn’t exactly the most energy consuming task now is it. I guess what’s been most difficult is trying to concentrate. Also my little netbook has died on me and I can’t really justify buying a new one. Having that on my lap of an evening while watching TV made blogging much easier. Now I have to make more of an effort. Lazy or what !?!?

So the obligatory pregnancy update! 🙂
We had our first official antenatal appointment last week and all seems to be going well. I have been feeling much better lately too. The queasiness seems to be gone. Yay! The tiredness still comes and goes but I know it could be much worse so I’m counting my blessings. There’s no sign of a bump yet, just the wobbly belly that was there pre-pregnancy! I haven’t felt any kicking yet either but it’s too soon for that anyway. I’m eating much better though I still have junk now and then but hey that’s life! I’m also exercising at least 2/3 times a week – swimming and walking – so that’s good.
Pretty much all of our friends and family know now and I have to say their reactions have been the nicest part of this so far. I’m amazed at how happy and excited people are for us. It’s truly humbling if that’s the right word. I just didn’t anticipate it at all and it’s wonderful.

Our own excitement isn’t building just yet. Yes it all seems more real but yet it’s still kind of abstract to us. I really think this is part of the reason that pregnancy is 9 months long (well 10 months really! Ya news to me too!!!). It gives people a chance to get their heads around what’s in store for them. Well as much as they can! 😐

So non-pregnancy related updates maybe now ?!?
Hmmmm… what do I have to say. Well work kinda sucks. I’m glad to have a job and it’s not horrible or anything but most of time I feel unmotivated, uninspired and surplus to requirements. I’ve also lost the confidence (or never had it!) to be able to change this.

At home things are well. I must say I think myself and hubby feel much closer these days. Maybe it’s the mutual anxiousness towards what lies in store for us! Of course some days we could still kill each other but that’s just marriage and relationships eh! 😛 To be fair he has been wonderful these past few months. Looking after me as best he can and helping out around the house. I really appreciate it.

Now here’s a random question for you! A few weeks back I decided that I should reply to comments on my posts. I haven’t done so yet though! I did back in the beginning and I’m not sure why I stopped! So help me make a decision. Do you like people to reply to your comments or do you even care/think about it?

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That title probably suggests a much more intellectual post than you are actually about to get! Hey there I go putting myself down again and no that wasn’t planned as part of the post! Jeees I’ve got issues but then who doesn’t. 🙂

A friend recently told me of a way she heard about to stop personal negativity. Basically whenever you hear yourself thinking negatively about yourself or anyone or even any thing you just mentally think cancel. It’s very simple and I’ve known for a long time that negative self-talk is not a good thing but for some reason this cancel idea just resonated with me and has crept into my thinking without me even trying. Maybe it’s because I’m bit of a computer geek? Who knows but if it works even once or twice a day then I’ll take it. Try it the next time you start mentally criticising yourself or someone else. Just think cancel and then with the sigh of relief that comes from letting it go you can move on from it.

It also got me thinking about why we are so quick to criticise ourselves and others. Is it how we are raised? It is just societies way?
The line “if a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn” comes to mind but I don’t think I come from a overly critical home. I also don’t believe that children should get nothing but praise ALL the time. Constructive criticism can be a good thing for adults and children alike. I guess it comes down to how it’s done.

I certainly have self-esteem and confidence issues but I often feel that those things were almost sucked out of me as I went through adulthood rather than not instilled in me as a child. I guess if those things were developed more in me as a child maybe I wouldn’t have lost them so easily or at all. At the end of the day I suppose there are no simple answers or explanations. I still find it interesting to ponder now and then. To try to learn and grow we have to investigate ourselves a little.

Here’s the full piece (poem?) that line above comes from. Definitely worth considering!

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

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I really need to start blogging a bit more but that would involve me coming up with interesting topics to blog about!! So for now it’s back to the old reliables – food and weight mixed in with the more recent – pregnancy.

Apart from being insanely tired this past week I’ve been doing ok. I’m still nauseous on and off but it’s quite manageable. The tiredness has been less manageable but I’m getting through it all the same. I think I’ve reigned in the insane eating a little bit. I’m still eating crappy stuff now and then but definitely not as much as early on. I’ve most definitely gained some weight but I think that has slowed down a lot which is no harm… not so much for my vanity but for my health. I was overweight to start with so I’ve no need to gain a load of weight during this pregnancy apart from the weight of the baby of course! I’ve actually relaxed about the weight thing a lot even though it may not sound like it. If I’ve learned anything in the past few years it’s that getting uptight about food and weight is the last thing that will help and generally has a negative effect. So I’m working everyday on being relaxed about it and I’m just trying to be sensible as much as possible.

I think the biggest issue surrounding all this is the feeling of failure. I always had this idealistic notion in my head that having a life inside of me to care for and prioritise would actually make it easier for me to eat healthily. I would have a higher goal. A different motivation. Unfortunately I didn’t factor in the feeling like crap much of the time which of course triggers my well developed comfort/emotional eating tendencies. I am slowly letting that feeling of failure go and basically giving myself a break. I can’t be perfect. No-one can and that’s ok. We can only do our best in the moment. I think too that right now the best thing I can do for my future child is to simply be nice to myself. To be kind to myself. To take it easy on myself. We are all much too hard on ourselves in our daily lives . We rarely sit down and simply appreciate all the things we do and are capable of. So that’s my main aim for now. To get back to basics and give myself a break.

“Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. Successful people are not superhuman. Success does not require a super-intellect. Nor is there anything mystical about success. And success isn’t based on luck. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves and what they do. Never — yes, never — sell yourself short”.
~ David J. Schwartz

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