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Archive for April, 2011

Yes it’s official. My scales has been released from it’s exile in the attic. I don’t like to focus on the numbers but if I’m honest with myself a monthly weigh-in just isn’t going to cut it. I need the kick up the butt that a weekly weigh-in gives and this time my hubby is on board too. We’ve decided on goal weights and we are giving ourselves plenty of time to get there. We are also putting money aside every week and when we reach our goals we are going to treat ourselves. We’re not going to go dieting crazy. Even if I was able I can’t as I am still breast feeding. So the plan is to eat less junk and just less in general and of course to get moving. We officially started yesterday and I duly headed off for a walk with the little one. Add in a 6am wake up today, a banging headache and I am exhausted and not in a very good mood. Cue wanting to eat everything in sight – that isn’t healthily. Aaaaaaah… will I ever change?

Anyway the number yesterday on the stupid scales was 218 (that’s lbs not kg before you keel over!) That makes me 4lbs heavier compared to the Wii.. or it might be that I was away last week and the holiday eating came into play. Doesn’t matter I guess. Today is a new day and all that. My end goal is 182lbs but I’m giving myself until mid next November to get there (we have an event in November) but also slow and steady is going to be my motto! I have set mini goals also. The first is 211 and I hope to get there in about 6 weeks. So that will mean losing a lb and a bit a week which is achievable I think. I hope. I pray even though I’m not religious. Maybe there is a god of overeating or emotional eating or weight loss and that’s where I’m going wrong ?!? Perhaps not.

In other areas of my life things are ok. STILL adjusting to life with baby. It’s bloody hard and she’s really good so I dunno how people cope with cranky babies. As I mentioned I’m still breastfeeding and I’m thinking of stopping soon. Well I’ve been thinking that for a while now but still haven’t done it. I like that I am able to do this for her and I feel guilty about stopping. I worry that she won’t need me any more. That the breastfeeding is our connection!? I know that sounds crazy but it’s hard to explain. I guess I don’t feel like I’m very good at this mothering lark and this is one thing I am doing seemingly successfully. I know I’m being to hard on myself but it’s hard not to think that way. Also breastfeeding plays on your fears as it is so hard to know that they are getting enough! When last weighed she hadn’t gained as much as she should and so I worry that my supply is low but it’s very hard to tell. I so wish babies could talk sometimes. I’m sure when she starts I’ll be wondering if she will ever shut up! 🙂

Speaking of the trials and tribulations of motherhood may I recommend a book that I pretty much found by accident the other day but loved… mainly because it made me feel normal. I know I liked it so much because it is very relevant to me right now but I still think it is worth checking out. I laughed out loud and I shed a tear or two as well. I also felt like someone out there got it and got me even though I’ve had things easy compared to this woman!

http://www.amazon.com/Second-Nine-Months-Becoming-Finally/dp/073821101X/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1303922600&sr=8-7

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… and not the fun bad either! :/

Sorry I’ve been absent yet again. I just keep putting lots of things on the long finger and blogging is one of them. Which is a shame really as it usually helps me a lot by just allowing me to get what’s in my head out and sometimes even make a little sense of it.

First things first though. One month on and I graced the Wii Fit with my presence. Yup I haven’t been on it since I weighed in the last time!!! Anyway I’m .3 of a kg down which is less than a pound I think. On the positive side I haven’t gained weight in a month and I haven’t been killing myself eating well or exercising so imagine what might happen if I got my ass in gear!!

So what have I been doing? Well feeling sorry for myself a lot I guess and then berating myself for feeling sorry for myself and so on and on and on. It’s bloody well hard work living in my head! I just want to be happy with my lot. To appreciate all that I have but I don’t seem capable or at least not in a long term meaningful way.

I’ve been trying to eat a little better and move a little more but with me it’s all about being organised. However add a baby to the mix and my organisational skills/motivation have disappeared. I really feel my life will never be the same again. Now I know that’s a good thing in one way. I have a lovely little girl to cuddle and love but in another way it’s scaring the living daylights out of me. I just don’t know how to survive/navigate this new life. I know that sounds ridiculously dramatic but in a way it’s how I feel. I need to figure out a new strategy for myself and I have no clue where to start. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in it. My life is different now and that’s that but how do I change me?

Some days I feel like I have it sorted and then it all just goes head over tails and I’m back where I started. What’s more I have to go back to work eventually! How on earth will I manage that as well?!

I know it isn’t nearly as bad as it feels or as I make it sound. I know even though it is nearly 5 months since I had my little girl I am still new at this and it is a big, big life change. The thing is I know lots of things but knowing what I should eat or that I should exercise more or that I should enjoy the here and now doesn’t make it any easier to do these things and I hate that I can’t follow my own and others advice.

…and now after a cranky baby day I’ve completely lost my train of thought. I’m so lucky she is content most days. If I had this every day I’d crack up. 😐

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