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Archive for January, 2013

My body for still working reasonably well even though I don’t always respect it.

Music.

My heat pack that warms me up and helps me heal.

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My house that shelters me from the cold and windy weather.

The lovely nap I let myself have while my daughter had hers.

The combination of chocolate ice cream and fresh strawberries.

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2013. Wow when did that happen?! Oh ok 25 days ago but you know what I mean right? Time seems to be flying by and I’m not sure how much progress I am making.

In ways I am making loads of progress but the old issues still haunt me. I’m still fat to put it plainly. Fat and pretty unfit. Fatter than I’ve ever been in fact and while I know I am much more than a number on the scale it still bugs the hell out of me. This need for things to change but an inability or unwillingness to actually do anything about it must be the most infuriating thing ever!!!

Therapy is going well. It has made me realise how crazily hard I am on myself in almost every way. It’s also making me accept that change for me needs to be in very small steps or else I get overwhelmed and give up. I want everything to be fixed/better right now. Yesterday in fact. Instead I need to appreciate the teeny, tiny victories I make every day and I do make them but that negative voice inside says “no, not good enough!” It’s time to turn the volume down on that voice but it won’t happen overnight and that’s ok too.

So maybe I’m back blogging. Maybe I’m not. For once I’m making no promises or commitments. Whatever will be will be.

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