Archive for the ‘struggle’ Category

2013. Wow when did that happen?! Oh ok 25 days ago but you know what I mean right? Time seems to be flying by and I’m not sure how much progress I am making.

In ways I am making loads of progress but the old issues still haunt me. I’m still fat to put it plainly. Fat and pretty unfit. Fatter than I’ve ever been in fact and while I know I am much more than a number on the scale it still bugs the hell out of me. This need for things to change but an inability or unwillingness to actually do anything about it must be the most infuriating thing ever!!!

Therapy is going well. It has made me realise how crazily hard I am on myself in almost every way. It’s also making me accept that change for me needs to be in very small steps or else I get overwhelmed and give up. I want everything to be fixed/better right now. Yesterday in fact. Instead I need to appreciate the teeny, tiny victories I make every day and I do make them but that negative voice inside says “no, not good enough!” It’s time to turn the volume down on that voice but it won’t happen overnight and that’s ok too.

So maybe I’m back blogging. Maybe I’m not. For once I’m making no promises or commitments. Whatever will be will be.

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I’m struggling today and I’m really not sure why. Some possibilities are that it’s Monday and I’m tired, PMT is also approaching so that could be a part of it too. It could be that today I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself (for no good reason) and have decided to “treat” myself with food. Except I just feel stuffed, bloated and fed-up now rather than treated!!

More worryingly I seem to have re-found biscuits! This is not a good thing. Because I cannot have 1 or 2 biscuits, I will more than likely eat the entire packet if the humour takes me and and if I’ve learned only one thing in my 30 years on this planet it’s that eating copious amounts of biscuits does not lead to weight loss!!!! SHOCK HORROR

So around 3pm I started my day over. I resolved to forget about what I ate earlier and focus on making good choices for the remainder of the day. I also resolved to really push myself at my weights class after work. Thankfully I stuck to those resolutions but it still scares me how easily the old habits and mentality can creep back in. What gives me hope is that these days I generally realise very quickly how bad my body feels when I over-eat rubbish.

Right now however I’m in a crappy, crappy mood. I long to use food to suffocate my feelings of grumpiness and crappiness but while I know for 5 mins it might succeed it won’t work in the long term. It will just make me feel even grumpier and crappier. So I’m off to bed where I can do no harm and hopefully I’ll wake up in a different(better!) mood tomorrow!!

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A nice thought!

When my quote of the day arrived in my inbox this morning I read it and thought, that has to go on the blog and my fridge! I think it describes well how to aim for success at weight loss, getting fit and being healthy, plus lots of other things too! Small, achievable steps and goals are a key part.

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones tend to take care of themselves.”

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